8-22-2013 The Last Shift

I had planned on sending in my two weeks in the next 7 days, but after this last shift I couldn’t stand one more day at that place. For the past couple months I’ve felt my whole head space change. I went from bubbly and always excited about the next day to feeling tired, drained and hateful.

The place I work has been such a poisonous place. Everyone has a terrible attitude because they think they deserve more than they’re getting and something of them really do. I was there for 2 months when I got my raise and made more than almost everyone there.

The workload was enough to deal with, I could do that despite my wrist hurting every once in awhile. But when I walked in today and one of the clerks told me that they were watching the cameras and accusing me of lying – about what, I still don’t know – I lost any respect for the place.

After she had told me of the accusation, the assistant manager came in and cleaned a little but also talked to me and my decorator telling us we were going to make us lose the phone privilege that we had, which isn’t true because we still get done early every single time. He also said we were getting written up, but failed to give us a solid reason. Before my decorator came in, he had said: “I don’t even care if she gets written up, but you’re one of the best bakers we have so I don’t want you to.”

But then he flipped completely when she came in. Everyone had told me he was two-faced and I already knew from experience but I didn’t realize how pathetic he was.

Then I found out that the owners of the store had been using the stores money to go on a vacation every month, instead of fixing the problems we had around the store… Like getting a new fryer and proof box and maybe better mixing equipment.

The night before this last one, one of the ex-employees came in and started throwing donuts at me. It was stupid and immature, and I found out he had been telling me to make extra of everything, not so they would always have enough but, because he wanted to take the ugliest of pastries and show the general manager how terrible of a job I did.

I told the GM that I wanted to quit. I’m not changing my mind. I’m not willing to stay in a place that I dread. I need to get my positive attitude back and it won’t be here.

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Selfie… Sorta

Selfie... Sorta

I’m currently on the light rail and felt like attempting a cartoonified version of myself. I’m pretty proud of it. Yes, my hair is that chaotic.

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8-20-2013 Hypocrisy

So the assistant manager at my store got a bit of an attitude from the general manager, both of whom text everyone – despite some of us having different sleeping schedules, ahem. The GM said something along the lines of: “I’m not on the clock, so stop bothering me when I’m at home.”

Yet, I’m still getting texts from him asking me questions. I had to train a new decorator whilst sick and while it didn’t put me behind, she was incredibly slow. I guess I understand to an extent since she had never worked at night, but even I was a much faster decorator my first night.

I’ve done a lot for this company and while I’m working under minimum wage, full-time, without benefits, I’d at least expect to be treated with respect and maybe not have these idiots take advantage of my hard work.

For the next two weeks, I’m doing what I have to but after that, I’m going to be finished with this company and they can try to train someone else. It’s understaffed and underpaid enough as is.

Ok, done with complaining, I need to take my bath and sleep. Maybe I can just sleep through the annoying texts…

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8-19-2013 “I Love You, But…”

Isn’t that the most annoying start to a sentence in the world. About 100% of the time, it’s followed by something negative. It’s like the “i-love-you” is supposed to be a cushion and the person saying it is about to push you down a flight of stairs and hope that the cushion softens your inevitably painful landing.

Stop it. I quote John Mayer with: say what you need to say. You’re going to hurt him/her/zir anyway. Just get it over with and stop trying to sugarcoat everything.

My boyfriend has said it to me and I’ve said it to him. “I love you, but… can we not spend every day together?” “I love you but… can you stop playing bass when I’m trying to ask you a question?” “I love you but… I love Harry Potter more.” I mean, what? Ignore that last part. Don’t ignore it, I love Harry Potter more than anything.

What made me think of this was actually the fact that I’m finally going to be at home for a few days for the first time in a long time. My foster mom was away and had changed the locks (long story, but it was a good idea, trust me), forgot to make me a copy, and it was impossible to get one what with her being out of town. “You’re always with your new boyfriend anyway.” Now that she’s back in town, I can get a key made and spend some time with my dog and hopefully some friends.

It’s about $4 a day to get to and from work, but having the extra $40+ didn’t hurt. Naturally, money is an issue especially for a girl who’s still getting under minimum wage. But I’m realizing how great it is to have privacy or, personal space, if you will.

“I love making money, but…” – I’d probably take being poor for a few months over going through what I do at my current job. Sometimes I feel bad about complaining but I’d rather work somewhere with a more positive atmosphere. I don’t want to walk into work and have people drag me down with every single thing that’s wrong with their lives or this job, etc.

You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the environment. That’s exactly what I’m trying to do. There’s a crafts and fabrics store that’s hiring, as well as a couple of halloween places, so if I can use those as transitions while I work on my computer skills, I think I’ll feel a whole lot better about the situation. Even if it hurts my wallet. (I work close to 50 hours a week – without any benefits – but having a part time job would mean maybe 20 hours a week. Poor and happy > slightly poor and miserable)

I hope for as much positive energy as I can get! 

[The Fitness Segment, because a post by me would be incomplete without talking about running or pilates or some such thing]

I usually don’t go running past midnight, but since I was working tonight I didn’t get out until 3:30am. I still wanted to run so I made my way as fast as I could to my boyfriend’s place and got my running gear on.

One word could describe it perfectly: AWESOME! But most runs are pretty awesome, what with the whole runner’s high perk. Am I right?

Unfortunately I only have about an hour left before I should get some sleep, which means I’ll either be drawing or writing… My zombie story needs a good dusting. But then again, my drawing skills have cobwebs.

Eenie meenie miney, writing it is.

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8-17-2013 Defying Gravity or I Dreamed A Dream

I haven’t been to an audition in over a year and even more so for something a little more professional, so I’m doing a little panic dance.

My boyfriend has consistently told me that I need to get back into theatre because it was the one thing that really helped with my anxiety and “you’re so good at singing and acting, you should just try it again.”

Today I was looking for auditions, even though the season’s pretty much already been planned but there’s ONE play in my area that’s holding auditions for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and I’m going to do it!

I have until October to get everything done; get my health in order and hopefully get a regular ol’ 9-5 so I can actually devote time to my audition piece and running and my E.P. which is taking way too long.

Tonight we went to the bar and saw a cover band playing, which was enough motivation to have me say: Ok, I’m texting Chris and letting him know that we need to get together and rehearse. The thing that I didn’t like about the band was the singer had no passion. Amazing voice but I wasn’t feeling it.

Another part was when my boyfriend went up to the bartender and asked how much they usually get paid. Not the best question to open with but she chuckled with a straight face and said: None of your business. Ok, understandable. Then he was trying to ask her a question and she said, “What do you want, dude?” 

While he continued politely to ask her what it took to get on that stage and she told him, I don’t want to play in a place where people are that rude. Dancing drunks I could definitely deal with, but sober jerks. There’s no excuse for that.

This is getting a tad off topic so I’ll end with: Yay I’m excited for my audition! Should I sing Wicked’s “Defying Gravity” or “I Dreamed A Dream” from Les Mis? Or perhaps something else in that vocal range? Input is greatly appreciated!

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8-16-2013 Why I Like Night Runs

Some people like to run early in the morning to get their hearts pumping and their organs going for the rest of the day, some people like to run in the middle of the day when the sun is up and the birds are flying, squirrels are running alongside.

Then there are people like me who are essentially vampires. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the sun every now and again, but it’s the people I’m not fond of. I would rather run in the dead of night when everyone’s tucked in bed dreaming of lemon drops and rainbows. I guess it helps having a schedule where I work from 7pm-4am, but even if I didn’t I’d still prefer night runs.

The only time I think I’d want to run in the morning or midday is in the winter, because it’s cold and where I’m from people would rather get on a treadmill than run in the rain. But come on, how can you not love the feel of rain cutting cool scrapes on your cheeks and limbs to cool you off while your body is burning from the best cardio workout ever.

Tonight was a night run and instead of just going until I got tired, resting, then picking up again… I kept it a bit more scheduled and disciplined, I guess. I started out at a brisk walk for two minutes, then ran for a minute, then walked for a minute and did that for a good 20 minutes. It felt amazing!

Not only were there less people but it’s a bit scary out at night running on the trail, because at any given moment a serial killer or deranged animal could jump out at me and try to attack me, in which case I’d have to set my gears in hyperdrive or spray the hell out of them with my handy-dandy pepper spray (courtesy of my boyfriend- aww what a sweetheart).

love when I’m in a situation where I could get frightened. It gets me pumped and I guess I just love the adrenaline rush. Maybe that’s why I love Halloween so much! And nightmares. Nightmares are awesome!

Anyway, I’ve got this runner’s high going and I think I’ll waste it on my zombie story. Mmmm, braaaains!

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8-15-2013 Dealing With Douche Lords

We’ve all come across one sometime or other. You know, those self-righteous punks who seem to think that since they workout every day, drink protein shakes as though it’s water, and look in every reflective surface they pass to flex their muscles and take a picture with the tag #flexinfridays, they must know everything? Those guys?

Right. Well, yesterday I was walking to the library and for the first time in awhile I wore a shirt that wasn’t over-sized or long sleeved. You can see it here. It was way out of my comfort zone, because I pretty much dress like a tomboy every day.

As I walk past this group of sweaty, shirtless guys, one of them looks up at me from his phone and says, and I quote, “Get on the treadmill, bitch.”

Now, from that picture, you can see that I am not super skinny nor am I overweight. From reading this blog regularly, you also know that:

  • I workout almost daily
  • I eat relatively healthy
  • I have a gym membership, so if I wanted I could in fact get on a treadmill

To have a stranger who doesn’t know my health routine or habits tell me “Get on a treadmill, bitch” is not only rude, but presumptuous as hell. To make an assumption based on looks alone makes you look judgmental, tactless, and just plain stupid.

I happened to have been walking through the park to the library, because I pretty much walk everywhere unless it’s over 3 miles, in which case I’d take public transport, simply because I don’t have a bicycle. I walk roughly a mile and a half every day to and from work. I run 3-4 times a week for between 20-30 minutes. I do strength training at the gym.

To have someone who doesn’t know me or my habits say that honestly made me want to throw down. I’ve been in my fair share of fights, usually because when I drank it was harder to control my anger. But as sober as I was, nothing can piss me off more than someone passing judgment in the most gauche manner possible.

To The D’Roid, that is to say Steroid-pumped Douchebag,

You do not know me. You cannot pretend to know everything about health and fitness based on your own habits. Take into account every body is different. I could quickly assume by your cell phone in one hand and keys in another that you drove to the park where you got your workout on. Chances are the only reason you chose that place to workout at is because you wanted to be looked at, which would make you the most vain drone I’ve ever come across. At least I don’t have to feel the approval of others watching me to get a good workout.

Screw you, and the horse you rode in on.

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